Divorce and Separation Agreement
Filed in the Supreme Court

Plantiff: Red States
Made up of: Conservatives, Libertarians, Rednecks, Reaganites

Defendant: Blue States
Made up of:Liberals, leftists, socialists, Marxists, OH! Bamaites

Complaint:
We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know, we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but, sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of
America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way.
 
Division of assets and liabilities:
 
We take Red States
  You take Blue States.

We get Flat Tax.
  You keep punishing redistributive tax system.

We will use the actual constitution, circa 1900
  You keep treating it as a 'living' document'

We keep our guns and the NRA
  You can have the ACLU, and Million Mom marches, Opra, Michael Moore, Rosie O'Donnell, Barbra Striesand, Jane Fonda, and OH! Bama.

We keep capitalism, federalism, Walmart, hockeymoms, Bibles, Fox News.
  You get the gangs, hippies, illegal aliens, NBC, ABC, CBS, MSNBC, Google

We will protect our citizens with a big stick.
  You can negotiate, protest, have marches, wring your hands, go to the U.N., partner with France.

We go to church on Sunday, Wednesday, and to get married.
  You can have gay marraige, needle exchange programs, sancuary cities, Shirley McLain, Scientology, Tom Cruise.

We keep our SUV's, Pickups, Cadillacs, and Lincolns
  You can drive Prius, Escorts, Aveo's, scooters.

We keep private healthcare, if you can't pay, you ask for charity.  Providing for your own healthcare is a responsibility.
  You make healthcare a 'human right', nationalize it, and when there is none available, we will treat your citizens, if they pay.

We keep 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic' and the 'National Anthem'.
  You get 'Imagine', 'I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing', 'Kum Ba Ya', and 'We Are the World'.

We keep trickle down economics.
  You can have trickle up poverty.

We keep honor and protect the flag, raising it every morning.
  You can burn your flag, the one with the hammer and sickle on it.

We take care of our citizens though private charity.
  You can have the welfare state.

We won't have foreign aid.
  You can help other countries all you want, so they can bite your hand.

We will help you if you ask.
  You will pay for our help.

We keep free trade.
  You like tarifs, fine, we are ok with that.  Just get ready for our response.

We will send you any of our citizens that want your 'values', and any illegals we find. 
  You can have the big tent.  Your citizens are not allowed in our territory.  Sorry, we just don't want to listen to them whine.  Plus, they will try to change us to look like you.

We keep Patriots.
  You can have OH! Bama and his fellow travelers.

_________________         ____________________
Joe Sixpack                      OH! Bama

Other Funny Stuff:

• Funny Pictures
• Derivative Math
• Liberals and Conservatives
• Definitions

HOME