A Front Yard Beating
Research for Online Investors

by John Dalt

3/9/11

Have you ever been given a job that you dreaded?  When I was young, and confronted with a distasteful job, an old timer told me, “I would rather take a beating in the front yard than do that job!”

I have remembered that phrase and used it over the years when faced with a distasteful task. There have not been many as I work for myself and have no one to blame if I don’t like the task ahead of me. I had a medical check-up last week, and my doctor said I needed to have a colonoscopy. This procedure is to inspect for cancer and other problems, down there. After confirming he had done it himself, I signed up.

The worst part of this ‘job’ is getting ready.  The doctor’s office gave me instructions, pills and a can of chalky stuff.  The instructions said not to eat anything the day before, and drink only clear liquids.  At noon, take two pills and mix the chalky stuff in Gatorade.  We didn’t have any Gatorade, so I ran to the store.

The store didn’t carry Gatorade, so being inventive I bought Fresca (it is clear).  I got home, took two pills, and poured the chalky stuff in the two liter bottle of Fresca.  It wouldn’t all fit, so I poured some liquid out into my drinking glass.  I put the cap on the Fresca and shook it to mix it all up.  I turned around to stir the glass…the Fresca blew the top off….it hit the ceiling with most of the chalky stuff now stuck on the kitchen ceiling.

I called the pharmacy, they had more chalky stuff.  I went back to town and bought chalky stuff and more Fresca.  With experience, I mixed the chalky stuff and Fresca in the glass.

After about two hours…the pills and chalky stuff started working. I remembered how the Fresca and chalky stuff built up pressure in the bottle… I think it would have been better to drive to another store to find Gatorade!

You can imagine the balance of the day.  I went to bed early, exhausted.  I left for the surgery center at six a.m. this morning.  I found out how addicted I am to Coffee!  I couldn’t drink anything after midnight so was a little dehydrated and irritable without a morning pot of coffee to “take the edge off.”

The nurse that helped me prepare for my procedure was sweet Karen. She showed me to the changing room/bathroom. There was very nice gown hanging in the corner. The gowns look like something a magician would wear. There are buttons everywhere, you could tear them off in an instant. There were buttons everywhere except up the back. This gown naturally gapped open as I walked from changing room to prep room with my sack full of clothes. The linoleum floor was cold, so they let me keep my socks on!

The unshaven old man that was delivered to the clinic in a Mission Rescue van asked if he could hold my paper sack.  He must have thought there was a jug of wine in it!

Sweet nurse Karen offered a warm blanket and newspaper to read.  The old man kept eying my paper bag.  Anesthetist John filled out a form and explained “You won’t feel a thing.”  He would knock me out and monitor my vital signs during the procedure.

Evidently, nobody told Doctor Jeff that he was supposed to be at work this morning. After an hour waiting, I offered to put my clothes back on and come back when doctor Jeff was available. Sweet Karen said the “Doctor was in the building.” We waited on Elvis.

Another nurse came to wheel me into the ‘procedure’ room.  John put an oxygen mask on and started an IV drip.  He said, “You might hear a ringing in your ears.”  I said, “No ringing, but I taste metal in my mouth.”  He said, “It isn’t there yet!”

I woke up an hour later.  The doctor said my colon looked great.  I said he looked like he forgot to shower, and thanked him for making it to work.

I only bring this to you for informational purposes. A colonoscopy is NO BIG DEAL, and it might save your life. The ‘procedure’ looks for cancer, polyps (growths) and ulcers. Polyps can be removed immediately and pictures taken of any problems or concerns. I have a nice picture of a part of me I thought I would never see.  Now, I need to go clean 'chalky stuff' off the kitchen ceiling!

To the mailbag:
Hi John, thank you for the explanation of Contango and Backwardation. I will be reading the articles that you mentioned to help support this lesson. I hope everything goes okay for you tomorrow.---paid up subscriber G.C.

John’s reply:  I am ok, but am supposed to wait 24 hours to drive.  The “Wedge” I wrote about on Monday is still intact.  I saw a technician refer to this formation as a “coil.” A fitting term as the breakout from our present range could be like a coiled spring.  Just remember it could be UP or Down.  I think higher, as the predominant result is in the direction of the previous trend, which is UP.  I am concerned though, we are exposed to tremendous headline risk right now.

The information presented in this newsletter is based on generally available news releases, corporate filings, current events, interviews and the editor’s opinions.  It may contain errors and you should not make investment decisions based solely on what you believe you have read here.  Do your own research, it is your money.  If you lose it, it is your responsibility, not ours or your grandmothers!  The editor may or may not have a position in any securities discussed.  The editor may have held a position in a security earlier, or in the future.

MarketToday Archive

Back to Top